woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
