nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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