unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
