what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
