your thong is hanging out like whoa
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
