I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
