An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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