Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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