i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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