You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
