Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't deserve a penis
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
