How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
