I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
