i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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