You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
