Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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