the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
