Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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