I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
