she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
