So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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