i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
