Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
