I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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