He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
