Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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