wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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