he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
