I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Come see our sink grown plant.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
