if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
