I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize