I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
