i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
