Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
