Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
