Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
