He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
