WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's like iHOP with fire
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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