the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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