So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
