if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
