I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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