he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
