You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
