And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
