i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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