You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
