im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
