Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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