my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The air taste purple.
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