she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
