I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
