When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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